Tag Archives: Thailand

The Dark Side of Thailand’s Island Paradise

Edit: 24 December 2015: The two Burmese have been found guilty of murder and have been sentence to the death penalty as we predicted way back in September 2014. This is after a complete travesty of justice, with tampered and lost DNA evidence, confessions under duress, lack of translators, mafia threats to journalists, a smear campaign against me originating from a Farang bar owner connected to the family in question, as well as this post being used as the basis for numerous articles including Time, Channel 4 news and more. While the defence team say they will appeal, I’m guessing that under the current military regime that this will never happen, or that something will happen to the two Burmese migrants who were made to be scapegoats – after all “no Thai could ever do this”.  

Shame to the westerners who live on the island and have continued to support the family in question, those who have helped to cover up what has happened. You now have the blood of these two unfortunate workers on your hands. I hope that the lifestyle is worth it. 

Edit  30 September, 2014: Since publishing this post it has received over 40,000 views, 4,000 Facebook shares and has been quoted in major international newspapers. Due to this I will be editing it as a live document, with news as it comes in. I’ve received a few angry messages from people on the island with vested interests (as well as very close connections to the very mafia families mentioned here) and past residents have added their two cents in the comments section – if you have had any personal experiences or can add to this, please feel free to comment.  Any corrections will be added providing there is evidence to do so. 

The recent murders in Koh Tao of two young backpackers have attracted a lot of unwanted attention to the dark side of Thailand, including “mafiastyle families (known as Chao Pho “เจ้าพ่อ” in Thai) operating in the Gulf of Thailand on islands such as Koh Phangan, Koh Tao and Koh Samui.

Chao pho or jao poh literally means “godfather.” Chao pho are mostly of Han ethnicity based in the provinces who have business interests in both legitimate and criminal activities. Moreover, they have groups of associates and followers, move closely with powerful bureaucrats, policemen and military figures, sit in positions in local administration, and play a key role in parliamentary elections.[1] Chao pho mostly come from a Hanethnic background.According to Thai authorities, there are chao pho groups in 39 of Thailand’s 76 provinces. From these provinces they work like a local mafia as they are active in both illegal as well as some legitimate businesses. They are involved in a wide range of criminal activities such as prostitution, drug trafficking, illegal gambling and others They are known for cooperating with the Red Wa ( who are associated with the United Wa State Army) for the trafficking and sale of narcotics.[2]

– Wikipedia “Chao Pho

Having lived on both Tao and Phangan, I’ve got some insights (but can’t claim to know everything) about how things operate – which should give more of a picture to what is currently going on than what foreign journalists are portraying.  As with anything in Thailand, things are much, much more complex than they appear at first.

A Bit of Koh Tao History

For most of it’s history Koh Tao looked nothing like it did today. It was likely a stopping off point for Malay fishermen for centuries, due largely to its isolated position in the Gulf of Thailand. In the 1800s, there would have been a couple of small villages, while later on in the 1890’s King Chulalongkorn visited the island – which is marked with a monument on Sairee beach.  The island remained a quiet place for decades, with a few fishing families and farmers and not much else.

After the Siamese Revolution of 1932, the country moved from being an absolute monarchy to a constitutional democracy (of sorts).  Koh Tao was used as a political prison in a similar way to Koh Tarutao in the South. In 1947, the prisoner inhabitants were given a Royal pardon and shipped off out of exile to the neighboring islands of Koh Phangan and Koh Samui. The island was once again abandoned.

The legend then goes that two brothers from Koh Phangan sailed to Koh Tao and settled on the land that is now considered Sairee beach. They farmed and fished and lead a fairly simple lifestyle occasionally trading with those on Koh Phangan.

The Vietnam war came about, which created a tourism boom in Thailand during the 1960s and 1970s for American GIs on R&R. Early backpackers began to explore the Islands in the gulf of Thailand, with dive trips originating from Koh Samui and Koh Phangan. The first full moon party being held on Phangan in the late 1980s. Gradually tourism began to increase on the Islands, and the island began to become more and more developed. First with a few simple shops and dive huts, then resorts, and later bars and other non diving related business. Larger ferry companies such as Lomprayah, Seatran and Songserm began to serve the island with overnight buses originating from Bangkok to fill the many spots on a growing dive industry. The island developed its two main areas of Sairee beach (which is now full of nightclubs, resorts and dive shops) and the sleepier “local” side of Chalok Ban Kao as well as the busy port of Mae Haad.

Power Structures on the Island

As with virtually any other town, village or island there is a patronage style system that those in the west would consider “mafia like”. However due to Koh Tao’s isolation and history this becomes more complex.  (Technically these go all the way from the lowliest street vendor, through mafia and local government, all the way up to the military and eventually Royalty –

Spend any time living on the island or speak to long termers under normal circumstances and they will speak of the “five families” that inhabit the island. Three of these key families inhabit and control the main Sairee beach, while the other two have more power on the Chalok side of the Island.

These families are the descendents of the original settler families that arrived on the island between the 1940s and 1980s, prior to the advent of dive tourism. Although they do not own land (all land on the island is technically owned by the King via the Department of Marine and Coastal Resources) they do have a form of squatters rights that allows them to extract rent and develop businesses on their patch. A very small land rent is then payable to the crown for every “rai” (a Thai measurement of land) that they possess.

These families control or have an interest in virtually every business on the island in some way, shape or form. This can either be in the form of direct ownership, partnership, as a landlord or major supplier. No business on the island, whether Thai or Farang exists without some form of interaction of patronage or involvement from these key families.

The families areas are fairly clearly demarcated around property boundaries. What might be appropriate behavior in one area of the beach, would not be acceptable behavior in another. A long termer may have “protection” in one bar, but would never contemplate entering another due to relationships (business, friendship or otherwise) with someone connected to another.

These families, in typical Thai fashion, tend to be incredibly jealous of each other, and highly competitive for every tourist dollar. There are many stories on the islands of what happens when one family perceives another family to have wronged them in one way or another and it generally involves petty rivalries over cash.

The other power source on the island is the Royal Thai Police who operate out of a building behind the school and temple on the Mae Haad end of Sairee beach. To describe them as law enforcement is generous, as they are merely another form of mafia style organisation on the island (a 6th family if you will). Their police work generally consists of driving around the island on their scooters, collecting their weekly extortion money from local businesses before spending it on booze and other entertainment. It’s worth noting that police purchase their postings in Thailand, it costs money to be the top police officer in a Tourist area, because to Thais – being the local sheriff in town is a business opportunity. Ask locals what the going rate is to be head of police in Phuket, Samui, Pattaya or any other area with a large potential revenue stream of bribes from strung up tourists.

“If there really is a mafia, locals and police detectives would have informed me already,” Pol.Gen. Somyot.

Transparency International’s Global Corruption Barometer 2007, a survey assessing the public’s perceptions and experience of corruption in 60 countries, states that, for Thailand, the police received a rating of four out of five, where one represents “not at all corrupt” and five represents “extremely corrupt”

– Wikipedia

Drugs on the Island

Drugs are prevalent on Koh Tao and easier to get. As with everything on the island there is a police of family involvement.  In my time there, I saw people on a wide variety of substances, including cannabis, LSD, Ya Ba ( literally “crazy drug” in Thai, a mixture of methamphetamine and caffeine) and surprisingly cocaine. Cocaine was being consumed by many of the Thai Bar owners on Sairee beach while I was there during low season, and resulted in unpredictable behaviour – extreme highs, and extreme lows, which could potentially turn dangerous at a moments notice.

Long term locals all know the situation with drugs on the island, either consuming or turning a blind eye. When the police start to run low on cash, checkpoints will be set up on the road to Ao Leuk and the entrance to North Sairee village. This is where fresh foreigners will be caught with small amounts of cannabis, or urine tests will sometimes be taken for substances.  The police intention is not to catch and charge foreigners for drug possession, but to use the threat of criminal sanction as leverage in order to extort cash off them.

When the amount is too large to cover up, criminal charges may be laid, but generally the person charged will get out on bail and a local lawyer will arrange a generous fine in order to get the person off the charges.  Everyone involved takes their cut. In my time on the island I’ve personally witnessed a Thai businessman threatening to plant drugs under the seat of the motorbike due to a perceived insult from a farang, before calling the police.

Motorbike Rental Extortion

The biggest scam on the island (as with the other islands in the Gulf) involves the rental of motorbikes to tourists. All of the motorbike rental companies require a passport as collateral and use a standard rental agreement that is common on Koh Tao, Koh Phangan and Koh Samui. Requiring a passport for collateral is illegal in Thailand, and for many nationals it is also illegal for them to provide. That said most tourists still do this, naive to how everything works.

Bikes that are returned with any damage, no matter how small result in massive costs for the renter.  A scratched piece of plastic that costs no more than 300 baht, will be charged anywhere from 3,000-10,000 baht.  Excessive consumption of booze, poor quality roads, crazy taxi drivers and lack of lighting at night result in more than a fair share of motorbike accidents. Tourists are often eager to leave after a crash, and don’t want to miss their ferry – leaving all of the power with the rental company to extort whatever they like for a damaged bike. Those who argue with a rental company risk physical violence, and there have been multiple reports of on tripadvisor of firearms being pulled on those who argue with the rental company.

Koh Tao continues to rent out dangerous four wheel ATVs to inexperienced riders, a practise that has been banned on the other gulf islands due to the sheer number of accidents. None of these bikes are insured (even those that advertise insurance) and riders who do not carry an international drivers licence, with a motorbike endorsement along with specific cover for motorbike riding are not covered.

As with any other islands, police involvement may result in a slight decrease in the compensation for any motorbike accident, but the police officer will need to take his cut.

Violent Crime on the Island

Generally speaking the island is very safe.  Part of the reason for this, is ironically enough that local strongmen and families keep the peace. There is only one main way in and out of the Island, and if you put a foot wrong you will be made to leave.  By the same token, there is little theft because of the small size and difficulty of removing valuable items. There have however been a few incidents that I know of in the recent history of the island.

  • A bar owner was shot dead in a bar on Sairee beach, in public on a busy night in front of multiple witnesses over a business dispute. The bar has since been renamed and is under new (unrelated) management.  No one was ever arrested for the shooting, and the alleged shooter operates a bar on the other side of the island.
  • Around 2002, one of the most powerful business people on the island, and brother of the operator of a major dive (Ban’s Diving – the biggest dive school in the world) school is shot dead in the middle of Sairee after a dispute with families. This is allegedly in or around the same shop that Scot, Sean McAnna was in when hiding from the two Thai men over the weekend. Again, no one was ever arrested for the shooting, though many locals claim to know who did it. Apparently the body was still in a freezer waiting to be cremated 6 years later. The story was covered by the Bangkok Post, but is no longer available online.

TAO chief killed by masked man

Shot in daylight, talking to friends

A local administrative organisation chief and business tycoon was shot dead by a masked gunman on Tao island early yesterday morning.

Virat Asavachin, 42, chairman of Tambon Koh Tao Administrative Association, was shot while talking with three friends near Ree beach.

A lone gunman, his face covered with a woollen mask, walked up to the group and fired six shots at Mr Virat, police said.

One of the bullets entered his left ear.

The gunman then walked calmly away towards the main road, witnesses told police.

The dead man’s wife, Ramluek, 29, and tambon organisation officials were questioned yesterday as police investigators looked for a motive.

The investigators suspected the attack arose from either a business conflict or a dispute over work in the tambon.

The victim owned Ban’s Diving, a 100-million-baht diving business and the largest dive shop on the resort island.

He recently began a ferry boat business serving the Chumphon-Koh Tao route.

  • A taxi driver stabbed another taxi driver in Mae Haad after he “stole” a customer from him in broad daylight. No one was ever arrested. Taxis are also operated by two mafia families – there are no motorcycle taxis allowed and the lack of competition results in extortionately expensive taxi fares.
  • There are also numerous stories of bars being burned down by jealous brothers, or even landlords.  Parties have been shut down at gunpoint by jealous competitors with an empty bar. Business owners have been made to leave the island at gunpoint by the close of business.
  • There are many stories of Thai on Thai crime, generally involving shootings over men who have fooled around with others wives. This tends to happen away from the resort areas.
  • The attempted rape and throat slashing of a foreign bar managers wife, which went unreported.

In the Context of the Recent Murders

Over the last few days a very complex and ever changing story has emerged from the Island.

  1. A pair of British tourist’s were brutally murdered on the beach front in front of a bar owned by a local Poo Yai (big man on the island) using tools that belong to either a Thai business or migrant labourers.
  2. Local police were quoted as saying that a Thai could never do something like this (even though there are thousands of Thais in jail for doing similar things to each other), and proceeded to attempt to pin the blame on everyone from the victims best friends, migrant burmese labourers and more.
  3. Police officers start posting images of the victims on their personal Facebook accounts, people who are IDed as potential suspects later on are photographed walking all over and contaminating the crime scene.
  4. The media leaks sensitive information, and starts to paint a picture blaming the friend of the victim, claiming he is his gay lover and completely defaming him. Police apparently plant bloodied shorts in his bag.
  5. The Prime Minister then stepped in, proceeding to blame the victim of the murder for being pretty and wearing a bikini, even though the murder was at night and photos of video the victim show her fully clothed prior to the incident.
  6. A long termer on the island (Scott McAnna) who is also a friend of the male victim accuses local family members of being involved with the murder (he does not directly accuse them of it) and threatening to hang him, and use him as a scapegoat. He posts this on social media, and attempts to get it far and wide, with posts along the lines of if he is found dead tonight, these are the guys who did it.The Thais involved openly admit they “had words” with Sean, confirming that he was at least threatened, but because they are “Poo Yai” and mates with the cops, they are allowed to walk – without taking a DNA test.
  7. The police continue their ludicrous investigation including reenacting the scene in the middle of the night, measuring the footprints of Burmese women and taking urine tests from Burmese males.
  8. Various things would have happened behind the scenes, and eventually those fingered by the foreigner are brought into the police station for an interview, and refuse DNA tests.
  9. Relatives of those accused by Sean of threatening to kill him do a runner up to Bangkok. Thai media name them as suspects while local police claim they are not, and merely at University. This is after the island was supposed to have been sealed off.
  10. Posts pop up on various facebook groups urging foreigners not to comment to the media, or speak to any outsiders until approval is given by key people on the island.  Comments are deleted or self censored.  There is an appearance of a wall of silence, either for personal safety, or to protect business interests.
  11. Various sock puppet accounts appear on online message boards such as Thaivisa.com attempting to derail commentary on the incident and the character assassination of the only witness begins.
  12. It turns out that the witness has a very shady past of his own back in Europe, this is reported in Scottish newspapers.
  13. Family are cleared due to DNA tests that are processed in record time (bare in mind that it takes 3 hours to get off Koh Tao by boat, and up to 9 hours to drive to Bangkok – where the main forensic labs would be, otherwise its a 3 hour boat ride to Koh Samui, then a 1 hour plane to Bangkok. This is before even factoring in the time it would take to actually process the tests). DNA Tests in a first world country generally take anywhere from 24-48 hours, and thats not even taking into account the chain of custody of samples each way. There is some concern as to whether Thailand even is capable of testing to international standards (this is an old source, circa 2007):

    “Currently, neither of the 6 forensic DNA laboratories in Bangkok is accredited for forensic DNA analysis by international accreditation bodies nor ISO17025:2005. However, out of the 6 DNA laboratories, one laboratory is ISO 15189:2003 accredited and one is ISO 9001:2000 accredited for the management system. All of the 6 laboratories are equipped with essential instruments sufficient for carrying out forensic DNA analysis, though a need to balance the capacity of major instruments to reach it’s full capacity. To strengthen the competency of staffs, specialtraining regarding forensic issues must be provided. All 6 laboratories have positive attitude towards standards and accreditation as prerequisite to carry out forensic case work. Over 66.67% of the DNA laboratories aim for being ISO17025:2005 accredited within 3 years. However, in order to process for the accreditation, the main organizationmust have a clear supporting policy. An external auditor may be appointed as a part of the auditing team to provide a broader view to the laboratory, as well as demonstrating clarity of the quality assurance process. In the beginning of this year, 2007, the Bureau of Laboratory Quality Standards, Ministry of Public Health, Thailand has launched anaccreditation program based on ISO/IEC 17025:2005 for forensic science laboratories. This is would help support Thai forensic laboratories to meet the quality and international standards in the very near future.”

  14. Family head man offers 1 million baht (about $40,000 NZD) to the police if a member of his family is guilty.  This screams either blood money, that he knows who did it, or that its a thinly veiled threat against any local who might name a family member.
  15. Police stop considering Head man’s son as a suspect as he has a dubious “alibi” in Bangkok, yet no DNA tests are taken. It is unclear whether there is a second son on the run, due to the poor quality of Thai and Foreign of media reporting. The person in charge of the Forensics institute in Thailand is none other than Pornthip Rojanasusnan, the same person who defended the fraudulent GT-2000 bomb detectors, which had no working parts. She even suggested using these fake bomb detectors to find corpses that were rumoured to be held in shipping containers off the Thai coast in 2009.  In 2010 she was quoted as saying: “I do not feel embarrassed if the bomb detector is proven ineffective. Personally, I have never handled the device myself. But my people have used it and it is accurate every time. Long long time ago, people believed that the Earth is flat and anyone who said otherwise faced execution. Things which are not visible does not necessarily mean they do not exist.”
  16. A Thai Taxi driver says he is arrested by the local police who then offer him 700,000 baht to give false evidence.  He is beaten when he does not comply. He states that the knows nothing about the incident. The headman (whose family was earlier implicated by Sean McAnna as making threats on his life) urges the police not to use violence with the police or arrest a scapegoat.
  17. The Tourism Authority of Thailand visit Koh Tao, and the Minister of Tourism suggest solutions such as wristbands with tourists ID details and tracking devices for tourists, as well as a local “buddy system” and safe areas. This is received with widespread ridicule worldwide, as such a system would do absolutely nothing to prevent violent crime against tourists, but would make a considerable amount of money for whoever is involved in the production of said devices and wristbands.

Screen Shot 2014-09-24 at 12.14.29 pm

At this stage its not clear exactly what happened, though generally speaking, when there is smoke – there is fire. I have no idea what happened on that night, as I’m on the other side of the world.  Based on past experiences on the island – I do have strong suspicions that the local families and police have actively tried to derail the investigation, attempted to cover it up and that had social media not attracted international attention on the case, that a Burmese scapegoat would have been found.  The police almost admit this  in a newspaper article:

“Please have confidence in our work, there will be no scapegoats”

“The case is being watched closely, watched worldwide and we are working hard to make this case as airtight as possible”

Lt Gen Panya

I personally believe Sean McAnna when he says he was threatened by the local Thais. I’ve read various claims on Thaivisa.com that the threats were too direct and in colliqual english that would not be used by a Thai.  Koh Tao is not like other areas in Thailand – the locals have the best command of English out of anywhere I’ve been.  His chequered past would have made him an easy patsy, but then again so would many long term residents on the Island whom the local police are probably keeping tabs on. The police were building a story about guitar players, about foreigners and that Thai’s couldn’t possibly be involved.

I think had Sean not made his outburst that he probably would have ended up either dead, or blamed for the whole situation. I have absolutely zero faith in the Thai justice system or any island police officers ability to do their job.

I’m saddened by the wall of silence from the Koh Tao expat community, but I can also understand why. Many have had brushes with the law in the past, mostly to do with drug use – and the police always hold this as ammunition for use in the future. Many others have business interests but incorrect Visas or nominee shareholdings in their business or property ownership. They could lose their entire investments and lifestyle that they have become accustomed to simply for speaking out. Some could get deported for overstay, fined for employing illegal immigrants or arrested for working without a work permit.

Something about the whole story still doesn’t make sense though. I simply cannot understand why someone from one of these powerful families would actually get involved in this mess and do something so brutal.  Somewhere these facts don’t add up. Thai males are known to get violent at a moments notice – but this is when “face” comes into play.  They don’t (especially well connected business owners, even ones descended from squatters) just rape and murder two tourists when their entire industry depends on them.

I very much doubt that the person (or people) who did this will actually be punished. I think someone will be arrested, and will have a confession beaten out of them by Thai police. Due to the international attention, local cops cannot risk the loss of face by not “solving” this tragic crime.  It is unlikely however that justice will be done.

There will likely be a short term drop in tourist numbers to the rock, but backpackers generally don’t pay attention to these sort of things, many tend to think they are invincible or will never happen to them, and by next season – things will be back to “normal”.

As with anywhere in Thailand, tourists should use caution while having fun, and always be careful around Thai males when drugs, alcohol and women are involved. What happened was a very rare occurrence, but its not unprecedented on the islands, where suspicious deaths are often reported as being by “natural causes” or “suicide”.

Baan Si Daam – The Black House in Chiang Rai

Baan Si Daam is another one of Chiang Rai’s more interesting art spaces, often described as the opposite of the White Temple nearby. Personally I think its a little lazy to compare the two, although they are two compounds of buildings with seemingly opposite messages, they are also completely different.  With both buildings having their own dark messages to tell.  Baan Dam 9White the White Temple is a temple based around an artists work, the Black house is more of an artists lifelong collection and gallery, with a focus on the dark and morbid (such as animal bones, skins, weapons and other art pieces referencing death and decay).
Baan Dam 8The art space is a project of Thai artist Thawan Duchanee and is also his home, he was the mentor of Ajarn Charlemchai who built the White Temple.  Walking around you’ll find elephant skeletons, massive drums made of animal rawhide,  antique firearms, snakeskins, huge tables and chairs decorated with buffalo horns and much more. Baan Dam 7While we were visiting there was an exhibition of local artists, with paintings, sculptures and more that you can view.  The pieces have been described as the “artists vision of hell“, but again I find this a strange thing to say and possibly a western description, as there isn’t really a “Hell” in the Bhuddist belief system.   Baan Dam 6 The Black House is definitely one of the more interesting places I’ve visited in Thailand, and well worth a visit if you are travelling in the North. If you like your things dark and edgy (and possibly if you are a metal fan, this place could make an amazing backdrop for a metal video), Baan Si Daam is the place for you! Baan Dam 5

How to find the Black House, Baan Dam

414 Moo 13 Nanglae, Muang, Chiang Rai, 57100

Ok, so this place isn’t terribly easy to find and its about a 30 minute motorbike ride north from the White Temple.  Head north through the township of Chiang Mai towards the Mai Sai border.  The Black House is about 12km outside of the city.Baan Dam 3

You’ll go over a bridge, pass the airport and the university and you will be close.  You’ll see a purple sign (these are all over Chiang Rai for various artists) that will have “National Artist Thawan Duchanee”, you’ll need to turn left into this soi.Baan Dam 1The road is flooded so you’ll need to mount the pavement and drive down the soi, taking another turn when you see a sign for “Baan Dam” then follow the road until the end.  There is parking space across the street for cars and bikes.Baan Dam 4Baan Dam 2

Strange, Racist and Just Damn Inappropriate Products In Thailand

Thailand has provided me with loads of laughs over the last year when it comes to inappropriate products, weird as hell engrish, straight up racist shit, and well – thinks that are just very, very strange.

Here are a some of the gems in the “TIT: This is Thailand” section of my iPhone.

Black Man Spin Mop Tops Market & Black Man Mop – Bangkok: Black Man Spin MopBlack Man Mop

Thailand has a weird time dealing with race, its one of the most racist, nationalist and xenophobic places I’ve ever been in, but often the racism is unintentional, or ignorant.

I’m pretty sure that of these two products that one is real, and the other one is a knock off, which shows they’ll knock off anything here in Thailand. I’m not sure what message these mops intend to send, but they sure as hell pander to some pretty racist, slavery type stereotypes.

The other brand in Asia that used to exist was Darkie toothpaste, a black toothpaste that featured a man of darker than usual complexion on the box. It has since been changed to Darlie due to being owned by a major international oral care company.

I’m Not Gay – Kids Notebook, Mall near Khao San RoadI'm Not GaySexuality is another weird one in Thailand.  Even though there are brothels (Which of course don’t officially exist, and definitely don’t pay the cops off every day) everywhere, and Ladyboys are everywhere, other potrayals of sexuality are still taboo.  Vibrators are banned, lesbian couples made up of Tom’s and Dee’s are walking hand in hand everywhere but often don’t consumate their relationship (only low class sluts sleep with each other before marriage is a common conception among the upper classes – at least publicly), and I’m pretty sure that homosexuality is still frowned upon in certain areas.  Contradictions everywhere! 

I’ve got no idea if this is just incredibly bad engrish, a product of google translate or homophobia targeted at children – you decide.

Bag of Cock, Tesco Lotus – BangkokBag Of CockSure, we all know its chicken – but my juvenile sense of humour finds this funny.  Then again, I also laughed when I saw a bag of cheese labeled Rape’ (which is apparently French for grated) as well. 

Cooking with Poo – Near Chong Nonsi BTS in Asia BooksCooking with PooBelieve it or not, Poo is a common Thai nickname (one of the top 10 apparently) and means crab.  Thai nicknames are given to children at birth to confuse spirits and often mean the opposite of what the kid looks like.  That said, I still find the idea of cooking with faecal matter hilarious.  Apparently cooking with poo is one of the top rated activities on trip advisor for Germans. 

English For Bargirls Volume 1 – Khao San Road for 250 BahtEnglish For BargirlI'll Let You Punish MeWhat every hooker needs when learning how to drain male tourists out of their hard earned life savings, English For Bargirls teaches them such wonderful pickup lines as “I’ll let you punish me all night like, Dear” (The “Dear” really softens the line) and “Oh its so big”, as well as standards like “My brother is sick and I need the money”. 

Lollies that Look Like Anal Beads – Big C, Koh PhanganAnal Bead LolliesSex toys are illegal in Thailand as they are considered objectionable, I’m not sure if these were intentionally designed to look like something you shove up your pooper or not – but I’m guessing they are pretty popular in certain households. 

Black Cock Liquor – Everywhere that motorcycle taxi drivers hang outBlack CockYou haven’t lived unless you’ve had some “Black Cock” inside you, or so I’ve been told.  This stuff is nasty,  a bottle of pure hatred and has started more fights on the islands than I care to recall.  It proves the old phrase wrong “once you’ve gone black you’ll never go back”, instead its more along the lines of “once you’ve gone black, you’ll wake up with memory loss, missing kidneys and a katoey next to you”. 

Pooh Squirt Gun, Koh TaoPooh Squirt GunWhen looking for ideal weaponry during Sonkgran festival there is nothing deadlier than a Pooh Squirter.  The locals just couldn’t understand why this immature male was giggling so much. Actually squirting poo out of this is not recommended, and may void warranties, implied or otherwise. 

Pink Nipple Cream – Watsons Chemist, BangkokPink Nipple CreamAnother bit of lovely ingrained racism in Thailand.  Whitening goes into virtually every skin care product as although foreigners tend to be considered an inferior, temporary species here, locals who look whiter are considered to be from high society.  No longer will your boyfriend think you are some kwai nong from Issan with your brand new bleached funbags – change those ugly brown nips into something pink and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. I hate to think what this stuff actually has in it – but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve tiny robots with spraycans like the “nanotechnology” labelling implies. 

A Long Weekend On The River In Kanchanaburi

Kanchanaburi is located in the intersection of the Kwai Noi & Kwai Yai rivers to the west of Bangkok and on the way to the Burmese Border.  The city is home to the famous Bridge Over The River Kwai and the starting point of the Death Railway that was built by POWs in the second world war to provide a route from Bangkok into Burma and beyond.

Today its a place thats growing in popularity with backpackers, travellers and WWII veterans as a travel destination and is the ideal place for a quick weekend out of Bangkok.

Getting to Kanchanaburi from Bangkok

Take a bus or a taxi to the Southern Bus Terminal (Sai Tai Mai) and head to the ticketing counters upstairs (ignore the touts on the road). Price varies depending on the class of bus, as does departure time  but generally speaking it takes 2-3 hours to get to Kanchanaburi and costs 70-110 Baht.

Kanchanaburi Bus

You can also get there by Minibus from Khao San road and other touristy areas, but I’d rather avoid tempting fate and go with the comparatively more comfortable government buses that are less likely to result in a car crash.

Accommodation In Kanchanaburi

Kanchanaburi Tamarind Guesthouse River HutBeing a long weekend (Magha Puja Day) and also Valentines day we were hard pressed to find any accommodation, with every guest house we visited being booked out.

We walked for ages down the riverside until we came to a place which had rooms – the Tamarind Guesthouse (29 / 1 River Kwai Road, Kanchanaburi 71000, Thailand).  They wanted 500 Baht for a Night, River Hut with air conditioning (which we don’t use, its not exactly great for your sinuses it seems), but as it was the only place available and a large amount of tourists were in line behind us we took the place . Rooms had a flush it your self toilet, and a hot shower, as well as a fan if you aren’t a fan of air con.  There wasn’t a TV, but I haven’t voluntarily watched Thai TV since I’ve come here, so thats not an issue at all!

Accommodation was simple but nice, with a private room floating on the Kwai Yai river, with views down towards one of the bridges.  To start with the place was peaceful and quiet, with the neighbours being some Thai university students on holiday and an expat/thai couple and their kids.

Signs about reminded visitors to keep the noise down and to respect other guests, so it looked like it would be nice and relaxing.  How wrong we were.  Half way through the afternoon, the neighbours started with their Thai karaoke, which unfortunately sounds like cats being strangled on auto tune. No one should ever have to suffer the sounds of Thai karaoke unless they are undergoing interrogation at some extraordinary rendition centre by the CIA, but alas, we had no choice.

To add to the frustration, we were thwarted in our riverside reading attempts when the outside lightbulb decided to blow up, followed shortly by our “friendly” next door neighbours returning home. It turns out that they were every bad stereotype of a bad Thai/Farang relationship rolled into one.

After listening to them argue about relationship issues, and the foreign male call the poor woman a whore, before demanding that she come home and sleep with him, or else he would go to the local brothel for a while he left, obviously for the 7/11 to get more cheap booze.  It was at this cue that we decided to leave for some food, and to leave them to argue over the phone while we were gone.  Its sad – as its exactly this sort of behaviour that gives foreigners a bad reputation in Thailand.

Had it not been for this guy, I’d say the place would have been perfect, which goes to show the impact that guests can have on a trip away.

Becoming A Viang Veng of Thailand?

While I’ve yet to make it to the tourist mecca of drunken tubing in Laos,  and can only judge by what I’ve heard – the similarities are definitely there, a nice river, backpackers everywhere, and guesthouses dotted along the river.

KanchanaburiIt looks like theres a fair bit of sex pats/sex tourism going on in the area, judging by the sheer amount of single, middle aged european males sitting on bar stools talking to local women, and of course a large amount of massage places, which well, advertise that you can have a massage in privacy upstairs if you get what I mean. I’m willing to guess that perhaps our loud drunken neighbour was partaking in this sexpat culture, which is just part of living in Thailand unfortunately. 

Ignorant Thai ScooterI also saw a LOT of patched western riders on big bikes, passing through the area, I’ve got no idea whether they lived there (didn’t catch the bottom rockers on their jackets), but again bikies and hookers tend to show a darker side to a nice touristy area, the proximity of the Burmese border might have something to do with it as well.  Also spotted was a rather ignorant local rocking some Nazi swastikas (a common thing in Thailand due to the shockingly bad history lessons here, and other variants of a Swastika appearing in ancient carvings and art for luck and health).

Get ShitfacedThe Viang Veng image is further reinforced by signs prompting tourists to “get fucked up” “get shitfaced” or “get blind drunk” on various stalls.  Its the first time I’ve seen this sort of low class advertising and that includes living in party islands like Koh Phangan.

Get Drunk

Getting Around

Getting around the town of Kanchanaburi is reasonably easy due to it being nice and flat.  You can walk, bike, take a scooter or a local Songthew – with bikes costing around 50 baht a day from most guesthouses and scooters around 200 baht a day.  If you want a scooter expect to leave either a passport as a deposit or pay around 1000 baht, which is considerably less than what was required in Koh Tao or Koh Phangan. Sarah BikeWe opted for bikes, and used them to get to the River Kwai Bridge, JEATH Museum and War Museum, as well as biking surrounding farmlands and out to cafes for breakfast.  While its hot, you still get a decent breeze, making it ideal for riding around and checking out the sites.  There is minimal traffic, the roads are clean and in good condition, making it nice and safe to get around.

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Walking Street & Old Town Area

Thankfully theres a lot more to Kanchanaburi than the main backpacking/guesthouse street.  

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Walking towards the river from the bus station takes you into the historical walking street area, which in a departure from what I’m used to includes historical information on many of the old Chinese shophouses in the area, including information about present and past owners, what they were used for and the like.

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World War II History

I’m guessing the Thai concept of saving face has a lot to do with it, but considering the town has so much history to do with the Japanese Occupation of parts of Thailand, POW Camps, War Crimes and the like, its very strange to see virtually nothing on the role of Thailand in World War II, and local Thais in the area.

Japan Memorial 3

The way everything is portrayed its as if everyone either conveniently forgot, or had nothing to do with it.  I’m pretty sure the only reference to anything remotely Thai at the time was to do with locals trading with POWs and former POWs marrying locals post war.

That said there is a fair bit of information regarding Japan and Allied forces in the area and historical tourist attractions including:

Japanese War Memorial: 

Japan Memorial2

Spotted on the way to the Bridge over the River Kwai was this war memorial build by Japanese soldiers for casualties of both Japanese and allied nations during the war at the camp. Information on the memorial is vague, and isn’t easy to find online, but I suspect this was built post war, possibly by Japanese POWs after they lost the war.

The Bridge Over The River Kwai

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The most famous World War II site in Kanchanaburi, as depicted (very loosely) in the movie of the same name.  An easy bike ride from most guesthouses, there isn’t really much to do once you get there, but is generally the first stop before visiting the war cemeteries and the two main museums.

You can read more about my visit to the Bridge over the River Kwai here.

The JEATH Museum

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Beware that there are two museums that are referred to as the JEATH Museum, one of the official one, and one is … well ..odd.

The official one is on the site of a Temple next to the TAT building and consists of replica POW huts and exhibits on POW life, WWII weapons and artefacts, newspaper clippings and ordinance that was used to knock out the bridge.

You can read more about the JEATH Museum here.

War MuseumWar Museum FrontThe second museum is far stranger, and way more interesting.  While it lacks usefulness as a museum due to lack of proper curation, it more than makes up for it in just plain weirdness.  Where else are you going to see a war museum that also includes stamp collections, history of Miss Thailand, random pictures of erotica on the walls and other oddities.

Check out my thoughts on the War Museum and why I think its so damn weird, but so damn cool as well here.

Final thoughts on Kanchanaburi

All in all its a really interesting place to visit and two days really didn’t do Kanchanaburi justice.  We’ll be back again, this time booking our accommodation in advance and probably will look into hiring a motorbike or doing a guided tour of the area to visit sites that are outside of the town centre such as Hellfire Pass, The Death Railway, national parks and hot springs.

Why the War Museum In Kanchanaburi is the Weirdest Museum I’ve Ever Been To

With signs pointing to it suggesting its the JEATH Museum (it isn’t) this place probably confuses a lot of tourists – even TripAdvisor gives the incorrect address.

So the question is, when is a museum, not a museum?  And why was this place the strangest museum I’ve ever been to – even weirder than the one that had siamese twins and giant testicles in formaldehyde?

KC War MuseumI’m not really sure of the background story to this place, but I’m guessing that it started its life as a private temple/museum and grew over time. Its literally the strangest “museum” and I use the term very loosely that I’ve ever been to.

KC SlavesThere are lots of interesting museum exhibits dotted around the place, along side some very strange and kitchy exhibits that have no place in a “war museum”. There is literally no concept of curation here at all. The museum has a lot of out of context information on the history of World War II, but absolutely zero reference to anything that the Thais did during the war, not even a mention of the Free Thai Movement for instance – and definitely nothing on what Thais did during the war time years in Kanchanaburi.

KC StalinNothing to do with being on the same side as Japan, nothing about comfort women – its like there were simply no Thais in the area at the time.

Captured VehicleThere is absolutely zero logic to the layout of this place.  In the basement you have exhibits featuring POWs, remants of the bridge, WWII era captured vehicles, prison trains, and then on the roof you’ve got strange poetry which you can only see by tilting your head back.

KC LugerMoving up to the ground floor you have a collection of weapons, including antique flintlocks that are labelled as weapons used by allied soldiers during the second world war and what appears to be copies of a WWII book on soldiers covering the wall.

KC RemainsA display holds the remains of disinterred POWs and the usual donations of Thai Baht to make merit.

KC Miss ThailandThings get weirder as you go upstairs, because the most logical exhibit to have directly above an exhibit on World War II is the History of Miss Thailand… right.

Stamps KCAnd of course, after checking out the Miss Thailand exhibit the next logical thing to add would be a room dedicated to watches and stamps, only that, well the exhibit dedicated to watches was nowhere to be found, and the stamp exhibit appeared not to have been maintained in years, and was mainly just empty stamp albums up on the walls behind glass.  We kept going up the stairs but no matter where we looked we couldn’t find the Museum of Archeology either.

Red ShirtsNext on the list of completely out of context exhibits was this one, which we believe was to do with the Red Shirts and protests in 2010, but of course there were no explanations in English, so we had to take our best guess.  There were glass cases with all sorts of weird things, such as mobile phones from the 1990s, empty cans of beer, shoes, clothing, rubbish – its hard to tell what it was there for.  If there was a message behind it, it was hard to tell what it was.

PronHow deep does the rabbit hole go we wondered as we went up the next lot of stairs.  Here we found a wall with half naked Thai pinups.  Again I’m not really sure what this has to do with a war museum, but things just kept getting more and more surreal.

CoupsUpstairs we found a room with framed newspapers from various coups and uprisings during the countries history. Again they were just hung up on the wall without any proper context, making it hard for a foreigner to really get an understanding of what its all about. What made this room even stranger was the massive glass cabinet in the centre which was filled with 1980s era encyclopaedias and subscriptions to the Thai edition of Vogue magazine of all things.

TempleThey clearly don’t know the difference between a museum, curation and just plain hoarding.  The place is full of interesting items, but without any proper historical context or explanation it really loses its value as a museum and just becomes a curiosity.  It would be very interesting to visit this museum with someone who speaks Thai and understands Thai history in the last century to explain the importance (and lack of importance) of the various exhibits.

Lizard KCThe sad thing is that Thailand really needs a stronger understanding of its history, especially recent history and places like this, which claim to be museums should be leading the way in helping to explain it to the next generation.  Otherwise you’ll end up with places like this that are less a museum and more a P.T. Barnum curiosity.

Find itThe War Museum is located near the Bridge Over the River Kwai and is signposted as if its the JEATH Museum (which it isn’t)